Hate doesn't heal with hate — only love truly heals
Buddha's Dhammapada teaches that hate is never cured by hate, only by love. The Five of Swords shows the cost of winning a fight and losing your peace.
Buddha taught that hate never ceases through hate, only through love, because the grudge we carry hurts the one holding it, not the one who caused the pain. The Five of Swords shows the empty victory of someone who won the fight and lost their peace.
An anger that doesn't know where to land
There's a kind of pain that's no longer about missing someone — it's about anger that doesn't know where to land. I once got a message from a woman who swore she'd only find peace once the person who hurt her suffered twice as much as she had. I understand that wish — it's human, I've felt it too. But today I want to tell you about an ancient teaching, more than two thousand years old, attributed to the Buddha and kept in an Indian text called the Dhammapada: hate never ceases through hate, only through love — this is an ancient law. I'm writing this for myself as much as for you, because I've held onto a grudge in a way that only hurt me more, while the other person went on with their life, not even aware of the weight I was carrying alone.
What the Buddha meant by this
This teaching isn't about excusing what someone else did, nor about pretending the pain wasn't real. It's about understanding a simple and harsh mechanism: the hate we hold against whoever hurt us doesn't reach that person — it reaches whoever's carrying it. The Buddha taught that a mind trapped in resentment relives the same pain every day, as if the betrayal happens all over again each time we churn through the anger. Love, in this teaching, doesn't mean going back to caring about whoever wronged you — it means letting go of the thread that still ties you to that pain. It's almost a law of physics: fire doesn't put out fire, only water does. Anger doesn't put out anger — only something else, closer to peace, can do that.
Why this idea never gets old
I think this teaching has survived so long because it resolves a paradox every hurt person faces: the wish for justice is legitimate, but revenge never delivers the peace it promises. So many people have spent years feeding resentment over an ex, cursing them silently, hoping for their new partner to fail, only to discover, when that finally happens or doesn't, that the emptiness is exactly the same size as before. Resentment promises relief and delivers more weight. The Buddha saw this clearly two thousand five hundred years ago, in a time with no social media to check up on an ex's life, and even so, the mind's mechanism was exactly the same then as it is today.
Five of Swords: the empty victory
The card that carries this teaching in tarot is the Five of Swords. In it, one figure gathers the swords off the ground with a half-smile, while in the background two other figures walk away, heads down, defeated. It's the card of the empty victory: someone won the fight, but looks around and finds no one to celebrate with — only an emptied battlefield. The Five of Swords shows what happens when we focus so hard on proving we were right, on getting the last word, on making the other person pay, that we forget to ask whether that victory is actually worth anything. Sometimes being right costs more than letting go.
How this shows up in real love
This shows up in real life when someone spends months after a relationship ends telling everyone the harshest version of the story, saving screenshots, waiting for the moment to expose the ex, and at the end of the day still can't sleep properly, because the anger hasn't left room for anything to heal. I've seen people only truly manage to move on once they stopped needing their ex to suffer to feel their own pain had been worth something. This doesn't mean making peace or talking to whoever hurt you again — it means no longer letting that resentment decide the mood of your day.
What this wisdom doesn't promise
I need to be clear: letting go of resentment isn't the same as saying what happened was okay, nor is it an obligation to forgive someone who never showed remorse. It also isn't about reconnecting or pretending to feel a peace that isn't really there yet. The Buddha wasn't asking anyone to go back to trusting someone who did them wrong — he was talking about an inner process, about no longer feeding your own fire. You can never speak to that person again, you can even hope they grow and change, and still be letting go of the resentment, because letting go is about your own chest feeling lighter, not about absolving anyone.
A practice to take with you
A simple practice for today: write the name of the person who still hurts you on a piece of paper, and next to it write one sentence, just one, that acknowledges how much it hurt without asking anything from them in return. Something like this hurt, and I deserve to stop carrying this weight alone. You don't have to send it to anyone, you don't even have to keep the paper. It's just a way of naming the pain without feeding its fire again. Repeat this whenever you feel the anger coming back strong. It isn't instant magic — it's practice, like anything we really want to let go of.
Closing the grimoire for today
I close this page remembering that the Five of Swords isn't a card of failure — it's an invitation to choose another battle, or none at all. If you've been carrying resentment from a love that's already over, unable to truly move on, a love reading here at Witch Room can help you see what's still tying you to that story, with no promise of magically erasing the pain, just help naming what needs to be released so you can breathe again. I keep this Dhammapada near the deck, because the two speak the same language: the language of putting down a weight that isn't ours to carry to the end of our lives, and walking on lighter.
Frequently asked questions
Does forgiving mean I'm okay with what the person did?
No. Forgiving, in this sense, means setting down the weight you're carrying, even if what happened remains wrong and unacceptable.
Do I need to reconnect with someone who hurt me to have peace?
No, you don't. You can let go of the resentment internally and stay completely out of contact with that person.
Why can't I stop thinking about revenge?
Because the mind looks for relief from pain, and revenge feels like quick relief. It rarely delivers the peace it promises though, and it's worth seeking that relief somewhere else.
Love tarot doesn't control another person and doesn't promise anyone comes back. The reading organises symbols, patterns and possible next steps.